Android Game Review – Quick Hits: Games I Tried Out This Past Week

It’s been a hectic couple weeks on the Android front.  With CES going on, reviewers dropping reviews all over the place, and me hacking the hell out of my Nexus, I’ve mostly been reading… and reading… flashing… and reading.  In that time, I didn’t have a great deal of space to just sit and play any games in-depth, but I did play enough to have a few things to say about them.  These ‘Quick Hits’ are all about my impressions with around 45min-1hr of playing time; ample time to decide whether or not the game is worth having or not.  I’m not anywhere near the first person to review these games, but this is no copy/paste post; I just played ’em and wrote.   -deidein

Modern Combat 3: Fallen Nation Gameloft


This is easily one of the most frustrating games on my phone.  It has nothing to do with the gameplay at all; it has everything to do with how much of a bitch it was to actually GET the game.  After initial install, there’s a 754mb(!) download you need to complete in order for the game to run.  For the first week and a half after I purchased it on sale for 99 cents, I could not, for the life of me, complete this download.  I uninstalled it in disgust and wrote Gameloft angry e-mails twice.  I wanted to do a write-up on it for my peoples while it was still on sale, dammit!  Grrrr… anyways, the download would not complete at all on 20mb/s 4G, but worked after several dozen tries and hours over WiFi.  I have no idea if it is still as awful to download, but it needs to be told (I’m definitely not the only one who complained about this, there are pages and pages of comments like mine in the Market and in other reviews) – plus it needs to be considered, because 3/4 of a gig is a ton of room for a game.

Once into the game, I was mollified.  It’s beautiful, in so far as a game about shooting people can be.  The stupendous graphics cannot be understated.  This game looks awesome.  The gameplay itself is pretty darn good; I was surprised to find that the controls weren’t too tough to manage, even if from time to time I accidently shot or threw a grenade when I didn’t mean to.  It seems story-driven; it isn’t mindlessly mowing down dudes.  Cut scenes and NPC mates on the field of battle, the whole 9; very Call of Duty-ish.  I’ve never been into these kinda games (read: I suck at them, badly) but I’m enjoying this one.  I haven’t tried the online part, but I imagine that’s where it’s player v. player, or co-op play is; those are the parts of games like this I’m particularly bad at, so that’s why.  I’d die too fast to get a screenshot.

I would recommend it to anybody with a powerful phone (1ghz processor or better, dual-core for preference) if they really enjoy 1st person shooters; people who aren’t into them can save themselves 7 bucks for half a dozen other games instead.  If it goes on sale again though, get it; even if you aren’t that into these kinda games.  You’ll play it and it’ll grow on you.

Drunken Pee Fingersoft

Ad-Supported Free, or Ad-Free Version for $1.33

No, I didn't grab the paid version.

I stumbled upon this while browsing through the free apps in the Market, thought ‘What the…’ and then downloaded it on the basis that it has well over a million downloads.  This game is gross.  This game is crass.  This game is kinda fun.  You are a drunk-as-hell dude trying to pee, pausing only to drink more from time to time.  As you pee, a button pops up and says ‘DRINK’ – hit it, and he drinks, thus fueling his drunken bladder.  As the game progresses, his vision blurs and he sways more, making it more and more difficult to hit the bowl.  Once you fail to drink or spill too much, your game ends, and a lady comes out and gives you crap about it.

I’d recommend this game for anybody at a party who has friends with an accommodating sense of humor; it is actually a pretty well made game, considering the subject matter.  It’s potty humor coupled with a tilt game, take it or leave it.  (Personally, I left it.)  The good people at Android Police beat me to the punch on this write-up, having listed it as their WTF app of the past two weeks on 1/8/12.

Burn the City JoshOClock

$0.99, also an ad-supported Trial Version


Burninating the country side, burninating the peasants!  Burninating the little people in the… well, these aren’t thatch-roofed cottages, and this isn’t Trogdor.  They’re modern buildings, and the dragon is just the nameless embodiment of hating people.  The buildings burn as if they were thatch-roofed cottages, though.

When that fireball hits the atomic smokestack... hee hee. Kaboomies.

This game features a sort of adorable dragon who sees a city, and decides to set it on fire and destroy everything in it.  This is my kind of game.  It has very simple drag-and-release gameplay (think Angry Birds), with a few nice twists.  On top of its standard figure-out-how-to-destroy-everything-efficiently level layout, it has a cool battle mode, where you incinerate incoming tanks and ‘copters in a conflict for survival.


My review was based purely on the paid version of the app, as I bought it immediately upon seeing the name of it.  I was not disappointed – it’s definitely worth a buck.  As a longtime Homestar Runner fan, this subtle tribute to Trogdor was not lost on me either – but the game would be good even if it didn’t have that going for it.  My only negative for this game is that it could use a bit more polish; there’s no music during the levels at all, and it has a stark, beta kind of feel to it.  I’d of paid another buck for some refinement.

Solipskier Mikengreg


I love this game.  Solipskier is a port of a very popular flash game on the PC; I think it translates wonderfully to the mobile format.  You simply drag your finger on your screen, and your skier rides that slope, gaining/losing speed, getting a rainbow cape, and doing wicked jumps based on how you make that slope.  You ride through gates to gain more speed, get obstacles in the way, and just shred your way to the next Open Feint high score.

The snowflake represents where your finger is touching the screen, creating the surface to ski on. It's hard to take a screenshot while doing that!

As fun as the game is by itself, it lacks that certain something… until you unmute.  The music for this game is AWESOME.  It sounds like a never-ending speed metal guitar solo.  I found myself losing a lot simply because I was headbanging too hard while playing.  This game has got such a frenetic yet smooth feeling, and it’s completely complimented by the wicked stringwork going on behind it.

I saw someone mention this game on reddit in a thread where people were posting the games they’d like to have with them most on a deserted island; after playing, I can see why.  It is very addictive, and would probably take a long time to get old.  I never heard of this game before seeing it on Android; I’ve read comments in the Market saying they preferred the PC version.  If that’s true, well, I’m never playing the PC version, because I don’t want to cheapen the experience of playing this in the palm of my hand.  Three bucks is just a little steep for such a simple game, but the devs did such a good job porting it that it was well worth it, in my estimation.


  • Modern Combat 3 is great if you like 1st person shooters; otherwise, nah.
  • Drunken Pee is funny and well-made, but gross; only you can decide if you like it.
  • Burn the City is an excellent buy at 99 cents, also TROGDORRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Solipskier is the best game I’d never heard of, and worth it for 3 bucks.  So metal.


Write, write, write… fun, fun, fun… la la la… Nothing clever to add here!  Stay tuned for the next post, lovely people!


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