Helpdesk Rants: Deskside Support Quotes

My new responsibilities at work now include doing deskside support when nobody else is available to do so.  Naturally, end users are a little weirder in person.  Here are some of the more interesting questions and comments I’ve heard.

  • “Do you guys have any silencers?  *responding to my blank stare* My keyboard is really loud.”

  • “Oh!  I thought you were the black one.”

  • “You must have gone to school for years and years to know all this stuff!” (I plugged her monitor back in when it wasn’t working)

  • “How come they never send gorgeous chicks to climb around under my desk?  Keeping them all to yourself?”

  • “Oh, you’re here to see me?  You must’ve lost a bet.”

  • “We should all just get upgraded to iPads, they’re so much more reliable.”

  • “I’ll give you five bucks if you make it so I can play poker online with this thing.”

  • (5 minutes into a time-consuming fix) “My manager says that this should be working by now.  Are you almost done?  She’s on the phone with your boss right now.” (He was laughing about it)

  • (user has dual monitors) “Can I take one of these home for my kid to play with, and just work with one?”

  • (just installed some software for their cube-neighbor, which took ten minutes) “Ooo, do me next!  Do me next!”

  • “I don’t have to tip you, do I?”

  • (had to move someone who changed departments from one cube to another – this person blocked my progress) “No, you can’t have her.  She belongs to us.  We won’t let you take her away.”

  • “How come you don’t wear a tool belt like the other maintenance guy?”

  • “You should meet my daughter, she loves computers.  She’s 11.”

  • “Can you help me find some pot?  You’re IT, you gotta be into that.”

  • “Yay!  The gremlin exterminator is here!”

  • “Do you make housecalls?”

  • “Come back in a few minutes.  Nothing personal, I just farted.”

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